It had been my fault, all my fault. He wouldn’t have agreed but it was true and no one could change my mind about it. I didn’t know that someone would find out but someone did and they told, then he, the love of my life, lost his life. Let me tell you my story.
The sun had just barely come out of East plains and I needed to hurry if I wanted to get my daily ride. I slipped out of my bed went into the secret stash in my closet and grabbed a secret pair of trousers. I quietly slipped them on and tucked in my nightshirt then grabbed my boots but didn’t put them on yet, because they would make too much noise and would wake up either my brother or one of my parents. I crept down the stairs as silent as possible, and then I opened the door then quietly shut it. My feet moved me over to the front steps where I put on my boots; once this task was complete I ran to the barn being careful so that I wouldn’t spook the horses or cause any noise.
“Good morning,” I whispered to all of the horses, some of them snickered in response, which caused a smile to spread on my face.
The horse’s stalls all faced each other in a vertical line and they were protected by a metal gate which all had a special lock on them. I walked at the very end of the hall of horse stalls to find my horse, Optimus waiting for me to get him. (Optimus is Latin for Noble) Optimus was a Gypsy Vanner; he was one of the last of his kind and he was my best friend who kept all of my secrets. I went to his stall and began to pet his nose and the side of his face.
“Good morning Optimus. Are you ready for your run?” I asked, quietly. Optimus shook his head and neighed to loudly, I put my hands on his nose and forced him to stop shaking his head, while I continued to shush him. I went over to the tack room and grabbed a western saddle and some reins then returned to him and started to put them on. When I finally finished I pulled the reins in front of him and guided him out of the barn and away from the house. Then I astrided the horse and we ran into the plains feeling as free as the eagle in the American sky. There was nothing better than running astride a horse through the plains right as the sun was coming up. I felt the warmth of the sun shine on my body but it was merged with the cold morning air that was blowing past me as we ran. Optimus neighed loudly as we continued our run, which made a smirk spread across my face. I slowed him down to a canter then finally to a walk. I leaned closer to him and rubbed his neck then patted him softly, it had been a quick ride but the others would be waking shortly and I needed to get back in the house without them seeing me. I turned Optimus around and we started our way home, we ran all the way home without stopping once. I hurried to the barn and put Optimus back into his stall then put his saddle and reins back in the Tack room then raced back into my house and up the stairs while still managing to be quiet. I was halfway to my room when my parent’s door opened so I jumped into my room and slammed the door shut before the door to my parent’s room could fully open. I swiftly stripped off the trousers and hid them back in my closet, and then I threw my shoes off then tossed them under my bed. I jumped into bed trying to slow my breathing back to normal then finally to make it look like I was sleeping again. My door creaked open and soft footsteps entered my room and crossed over to my bed, sat on the edge of my bed then gently shook my shoulder.
“Kyra wake up, it’s time to start a new day,” it was my mother’s voice. I tossed at her touch then moaned. “I know you’re probably still tired dear, but it’s important that you wake up right now and get ready,” she sounded so excited about it so I turned to face her then slowly opened my eyes. “Good morning Kyra,” she greeted again.
“What do I need to get ready for?” I asked, groggily, still trying to play the part as the sleepy daughter. I had to keep my riding a secret because riding a horse like I did every morning was morbid but it was so addicting so I snuck out every morning.
“Your father has bought some more help and they are arriving today and guess who is delivering them?” she asked, getting way to excited for this early in the morning. I knew who she was talking about but I knew that she wanted to tell me.
“Who mother?” I asked sarcastically.
“A Mr. James Richmond!” she exclaimed. My mother had been trying so hard to get James to court me and I could tell that he wanted to but in all honesty, I had no interest in him. He was handsome and charming but when it came to Books, sciences and mathematics he was as dumb as a quail and so I had no interest to even talking to him but I did talk to him to be polite but I don’t let him think that I am interested romantically.
“Oh yea, I’ll be right down mother,” I responded unenthusiastically, my mother left my room in a quick movement that left me to get ready. I walked over to my closet and looked through all my gigantic dresses, I wanted something that would send the right message to him but considering the fact that’s he’s as dumb as a quail he probably won’t get it.
I pulled out a dress that would bring out my golden blonde hair and my russet bronzed eyes, the dress was a dark amethyst color. I went to my watering bowl and cleaned my face then I brushed out my hair and tied it up to keep it out of my face. I finally put on the big gown and pleasantly walked down the stairs when my mother called. I felt dread with every step of the stairs that I was walking but my face showed a happy smile that shined brightly. I walked out in the sun and saw the handsome but dumb James Richmond.
James had a wonderful beauty about him, he could swoon any girl he wanted, even me but it would never last too long. James had the bluest eyes around, they were the color of the ocean, and any girl could get lost in those eyes. He had jet black hair that couldn’t bee seen in a dark room. It was no lie that he was beautiful but I could never be with a man who had little or no brain.
I met James by his gigantic cart and gave him my simple greeting smile then watched as he got off of the head of the cart. He took of his hat respectfully and bowed a little bit, which I thought was completely out of date but grinned anyway.
“How are you today miss John?” he asked in his thick Irish accent.
“I’m very well today, James, thank you for asking but please call miss Kyra instead, we’re friends so therefore we must be on a first name basis,” I answered.
“So you don’t want me to call you miss John anymore?” he asked confused.
“No, I would prefer it if you would just called me Kyra instead,” I repeated already feeling annoyed by him.
“Oh, okay miss John er- I mean Kyra,” he corrected. I knew that James meant well but sometimes he drove me crazy.
“So I hear you’ve brought us some more help? I hope they aren’t African’s,” I said, changing the subject.
“You mean them Negros?” he asked.
“Yes, are they uh Negros?” I asked, I felt uncomfortable calling African’s Negros, it was disrespectful and rude.
“Uhuh, your Pa wouldn’t have it any other way,” he sounded proud of himself so I couldn’t snap at him. So I sighed and put my hand in my head and rubbed my forehead. “Kyra, is you alright? If your sick you shoulds be in bed,” James suggested.
“No, no I’m fine James, just a little head ache, let’s see what Pa bought us,” I suggested back. James smiled happily and took me behind the cart that was surrounded by metal bars so that the Africans wouldn’t be able to escape.
“Alright, you can all come out but if yous slip up I’ll be sure as to fix yous straight, you are mighty lucky to get miss Kyra as your owner, she’s gots a good heart and she woulds never hurt a fly,” he announced to the group of Africans.
One by one they walked off of the cart and stood in front of me with sorrow filled faces and gloom that was shown in their eyes. It broke my heart to see people in this state but there was something else that I did in secret. I taught the Africans how to read and write, it was the only thing that I could do to help, my parents wouldn’t let me free them so I did the next best thing, I taught them and who knows, maybe I would teach James one day.
As I examined each one there was on in particular that caught my eye, he was the tallest out of the group; he was looking down at the ground and he looked strong, firm and tortured. I walked over closer to him and he slowly lifted his head to look at me.
“What is your name?” I talked very slowly to him, hoping that he would understand what I was saying to him.
“My name is Jelani, I know how to speak good English ma’am,” he replied, his voice was bold and deep.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jelani, could you perhaps tell me if any of these other people can speak English like you?” I asked normally. Jelani looked at his sides then shook his head.
“No ma’am, I am the only one who knows how to speak in white tongue,” he answered.
“Right,” I turned back to James and thanked him for his work, paid him then sent him off. “Well, if you would all come with me I will show you where you will be staying,” I ordered and I headed off to the servants quarters. As I started to walk I heard Jelani speak what I had guessed to be some native African language, then they all started to follow me and I showed them to their quarters. I told them what they would be doing and when, then I told them that if they were interested in learning how to read, write and speak English that it would a be secret and that I had done it with past slaves.
“What happened to the other slaves?” Jelani asked, suspiciously.
“We freed them after they had done their time,” I answered. “I hope you all like it here, even if it is just a little bit. I hope you rest well, today you do not work, you start tomorrow but first let me go over the rules.”
I went over the rules and punishments, which were as followed.
1) No stealing, if you steal then he/she will suffer no meals for a week
2) Obedience, if you do as your told no harm will come to you
3) You will wake when the rooster crows, if you are not up and ready by the time one of us comes and checks, you will have more duties to carry.
4) Do not talk about lessons with me when I am near anyone else, simply ask me about it in absolute private.
* Three Months Later *
I had renamed all of the slaves except for Jelani, he insisted on keeping his name, which I had allowed considering that his name, was the easiest to pronounce. It turned out the Jelani was pretty smart and needed no lessons with me and it was fun talking to him, although it took a couple of weeks for him to warm up to me but we finally managed to talk to each other on a daily basis, whenever he would work in the stables I would go in there and help him and we’d talk about politics, different books, music, our dreams our ambitions, then he would tell of unusual legends about his land, which enticed me a great deal. I asked him how he knew so much and he told me that his previous owner had been a nice old widowed man who had compassion on his Jelani’s people. I told him about my beliefs about slavery; I told him that forcing people out of their own land to work was completely barbaric and stupid. I told him that I wanted to make a change and he asked me why I didn’t. I simply told him if a lady won’t be heard at the dinner table then she won’t be heard in a court of justice. He agreed with me after a while.
“I really enjoy your company,” I confessed while I was cleaning a saddle.
“I enjoy your company also,” Jelani responded. “You know what I think?” he asked. I giggled softly.
“No I’m afraid not, I do no own the power of reading minds,” I answered back teasingly. Jelani chuckled but then continued.
“I think that you are the kindest, purest most wonderful creatures on the planet,” he whispered softly. I felt my face go red with blush then I looked away not knowing what to say.
“You know I’ve called a lot of things during my life on earth but no one has ever called me that before so I thank you for your comment but do you want to you know what I think?”
“Sorry no, I cannot read minds,” he mocked, which caused a smile to reach my face.
“I think that you are a kind, gentle, strong man with the biggest heart and you are like my best friend,” I commented back. Suddenly it hit me, like lighting. I had a different feeling for Jelani, before it was friendship and brotherly love but now I felt affection and a love that could not be described in any words. I didn’t know a feeling like this was possible but I had been so downright wrong but it was quickly turned to sadness.
“I too have been called many things and many of them not worth repeating but never have I dreamed having being called that by anyone, especially you. Kyra, I know this is wrong of me to say this but I need to say it and nothing can stop me now,” he sounded rushed.
“Go ahead and say then,” I replied simply, I felt myself praying for the three words that I was feeling but he could say anything and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
“I love you, and I know that it is wrong and I know that can’t be together but I just want you to know that I will be there for you even though you could never feel the same way for me.”
My heart melted at his words he had said the words, the words that I was feeling and I felt like crying but I had too much pride to cry in front of him so I decided to just tell him how I felt.
“Well, Jelani, I love you too and we can be together, we just have to keep it a secret, more secret than the lessons but I love you and I want to be with you and nothing can ever change that,” I confessed, I couldn’t look at him while I spoke so I looked at my tightly held hands until his hand covered my hands. We moved closer together, we moved so close that we were only inches away from each other. I felt his hot breath on my lips and was about to kiss him.
“Wait,” he whispered but when he said it our lips connected and then they melted into each other, I felt the world go dark as if it was just Jelani and I in the world that mattered. I felt the fireworks going off in my body; I poured my love into the kiss but finally parted when I heard the barn door creak open. Jelani went back to his job and I went back to shining the saddle and walked in James. I smiled sweetly at him as he walked in.
“Hello James, how you are this afternoon?” I greeted happily. James removed his hat and smoothed out his black hair so that he would look decent.
“Uh I’m uh doing very well miss Kyra and I was just wonderings if you woulds like to go to the Conner’s party with me?” He seemed very nervous about asking and I looked at Jelani briefly and shook his head ever so faintly.
“Ah James, that’s mighty nice of you to ask me but I haven’t been feeling so well today so I was just planning on staying home but I really appreciate your offer, maybe some other time.”
I had to let him down easy but he would have no trouble finding another girl to take to the Conner’s party. James still looked upset but he tried to fake a smile.
“Oh okay, I was just wonderin’ I hopes you feels better miss Kyra,” he said, kindly.
“Thanks James, I’ll see you later okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” he replied solemnly. Once he left I turned my attention back to Jelani and smiled.
“Well, I better go inside the house and play the sick girl so that my mother doesn’t try and get me to go and then after they leave, there’s some where I want to show you so wait for my flick my lamp off and on then meet me at the bottom steps of the house, okay?” I asked. Jelani vaguely took my hand into his own and nodded then quickly let go of it. I walked out of the barn and into the house feeling the most happy I had ever felt before.
Mother was convinced that I was sick and told me that I must stay home and get some rest. I went into my bed and breathed slowly to make the illusion that I wasn’t sleeping. Once I was mother, father and my brother all left the house I flicked my lamp off and on a few times then made my way down the stairs. Jelani had beat me to the front steps, I smiled at his presence then told him that we would be riding horses together and that it was the only way to get to my secret location. I hooked up Optimus and Jelani hooked up my father’s horse and we rode out together in the moonlight, we rode through the forest and went uphill until I got off of Optimus and tied him to a tree and Jelani did the same thing. I found my special spot near a big willow and plopped down against it, this willow had been around for centuries and what made this place special was the fact that the moon looked extremely big from here and everything was lit by only moonlight.
“It is beautiful here,” Jelani spoke softly.
“I used to come here all the time as a child and I remember coming here at night and I remember watching the moon rise while my father would tell me stories of this place,”
“Do you remember when you told me that you wanted to change the world by ending slavery?” he asked. I cocked my head to one side.
“Of course, I want to change and I’ve thought of a plan, it’s where we declare our love to the people and that will show them that you and I are the same.”
“Or they could hang you for being a traitor and then they would hang me for being seen with you romantically,” Jelani pointed out.
He had a point but there had to be a way to end slavery without killing people.
“Well I heard that they had stopped slavery in the more northern part of the U.S, why don’t we just go there?” I suggested.
“You’d leave your family for me?” he questioned.
“Of course, but would you run away with me if I asked you?” I asked.
“For you? I would cross oceans and go through Hell itself to be with you,” he whispered.
“I’m glad you’ll be able to go through Hell, because that’s exactly where you’ll be going,” it was a different voice. Jelani and I both gasped and saw a police officer coming towards us.
“I’m taking you both in,” he snapped. Jelani stood in front of me defensively and I already knew what he was going to do. Tears stung my eyes but I blinked them back with force
“No, I beg you just take me, I – I forced her to come out here with me, she’s the victim here,” Jelani lied.
“No, Jelani what are you doing?” I asked softly.
“I’m making a difference,” he whispered back.
“Alright, I’ll only take you in, I’m sorry ma’am we’ll hang this Negro when the sun rises tomorrow morning and then you’ll never have to be afraid ever again,” the police told me. Warm tears were ready to over flow but I willed them to stop before they came out. He took Jelani without a second thought and he left me standing there in the dark all by myself.
“Hey Kyra, what did you think you were doing with him?” it was an Irish accent that came from the shadows I looked towards the voice and James emerged.
“James? You told? How did you know about us?” I asked.
“Kyra, I’m not as dumb as you think and I saw you two kissing in the barn but he won’t be able to poison your mind any more,” he was proud of himself, it was written all over his face.
“I hate you! I hate you! I swear on my life I hate you!” I screamed.
“Hate me? I did you a favor,” he argued. I scoffed at his face.
“A favor? You doomed the man I love! I love him!” I declared.
“And I love you, Kyra! We can be happy together, you just have to try,” James confessed. Too upset to say anything else I ran to Optimus and cried while I let him lead me home. When I got home my family was already back and someone was outside so I didn’t bother to unsaddle Optimus. I ran into the house wiping loose tears away from my face. My mother and father were sitting on the couch with a serious expression.
“Kyra, is it true that Jelani dragged you out in the forest?” my father’s serious voice asked.
“No, he only said that because he wanted to protect me from the police. I love him father and now he’s going to hang tomorrow and it’s all my fault,” I cried, I leaned against the wall and slid down to the bottom and began crying into my hands. “It’s all my fault, father, he’s doomed. I should’ve never brought him out there,” I sobbed mercilessly. Father went to my side, kneeled next to me then he put his hand on my shoulder.
“I can arrange for you to see him tomorrow,” he whispered with sympathy. I went to bed and cried all night long until early in the morning my father took me to the dungeon so I could see Jelani for the last time.
I walked into his cell and went straight into his arms and started crying again. He constantly stroked my hair begging me to stop crying but I just couldn’t stop. It was just too hard.
“I’m sorry Jelani, I’m so sorry for everything. I should have never taken to that stupid Willow!” I cried.
“I’m not sorry, spending time with you was the best time I had ever had. Even when I was free, I can’t think of a better way to die,” he whispered soothingly
“Are you afraid to die?” I asked, quietly.
“Would I be human if I wasn’t? But I’ll be less afraid if your face is the last thing I see,” he whispered.
“I’ll never be able to forgive myself. I’m going to miss you,” I whispered gravely.
“I want you to look on the good times, even if it was a short time, it was still a time.”
Jelani wiped a stray away from my face and kissed my forehead softly.
“Time’s up miss, he’s going to be hanging in less than five minutes, so we need to prepare him,” he laughed.
“Okay can I have one more minute?” I asked my voice shaky.
“Fine,” he grumbled then walked away. I didn’t hesitate, I pulled Jelani’s lips onto mine for the last time but it had to be fast.
“I love you and I will take that to the grave,” I vowed.
“I will take it too,” he promised.
“Okay, now it’s time to go,” the prison guard stated, putting his foot down.
I left the dungeon and went out to the square where everyone else was and then the brought out Jelani and tears were streaming down my face but when he looked at me I tried to smile but it didn’t work that well. The executioner pulled him on the hanging noose around his neck and while people booed I put my hands around my mouth and declared my love for him continually. People gave me weird confusing looks but I kept going, Jelani said that he loved me. Then the judge said his crime, it was only moments until Jelani would no longer be with me. The judge pointed at the executioner, he went over to the leaver and pulled it and Jelani fell. I couldn’t scream anymore but I cried and screamed until his body went limp and then they executioner cut him down and prepared him for burial. After his death, I vowed to never love again and I lived my life in remembrance of Jelani by setting Africans free whenever I could. I vowed to take the two vows I made all the way to grave.
THE END
Copyright 2011 Allanah Staggs
