Possible Story....

Browsing around the cluttered shelves of the library, I desperately searched for any and all kinds of books on parenting. The books were mostly for me seeing how the baby’s father wouldn't really be around all that much. He promised he’d be there for the beginning months to mostly help me. Afterwards, he’d be going back to work, which was fine. I wouldn't stop him from pursuing his career.

As I packed a few books into my arms a sharp pain came from my stomach and a warm liquid bleeding through my underwear, dropping the books, I struggled to find the nearest bathroom. There had been a line for a stall so in the corner, I reached into my pants and lightly touched the liquid, when I pulled my fingers out, the very tips of my fingers were coated red. I gasped as pains continued to shoot through my body, I couldn’t really move.

“Excuse me but are you alright?” a ginger haired woman asked me. I looked at her with tears in my eyes.

“I need to get to a doctor,” I whispered. The woman looked me over, then took my shoulder and guided me out of the bathroom. I cried out as more pain struck me again and again, I knew what was happening, what would happen. The thought of it, made me dizzy, so dizzy in fact that I finally fell to the floor and passed out..

The constant sound of a high pitched monotonous beeping echoed in my ears. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I didn’t want to face reality yet or anything yet. Not the reality, not my nightmare come true but most of all, I didn’t - couldn’t face him.

“Mrs. - “ I couldn’t hear all of what the doctor was saying but I knew that he was talking to me. Finally I cracked my eyes open. The blurry figure of a middle aged man came into view.

“What? Huh?” I asked hoarsely. The man smiled.

“I asked you if there was anyone I could call for you?” I immediately thought of him and for a moment I was about to suck up my courage and have the doctor call him but I remembered that he was in an interview for his one of his jobs so I put the idea out of my mind and shook my head to the doctor.

“What happened? Is my baby alright?” I felt like I already knew the answer to the question but I needed to hear it from the Doctor’s mouth as if I needed closer and a confirmation that my baby was dead. The Doctor then carried a serious expression filled with sorrow. He pursed his thin lips into a thinner line.

“I’m sorry but your baby didn’t make it...” My chest tightened and the beeping on the machine got quicker but no tears would fall, I simply stared into the blue eyes of the doctor and nodded,then laid my head back.

“Are you sure this isn’t anyone that I could call for you?” he persisted. He obviously recognized me from the paparazzi pictures taken of me and the baby’s father but I shook my head.

“I’ll get to it but can I leave now?” I asked in a controlled yet quivering voice.

“Uh no, I would like you to stay here for tonight to make sure that everything’s been drained, you lost a lot of blood on the trip here. Do you remember how you got here?” I shook my head.

“The woman from the library called an ambulance and drove you here, she sat with you as you lost a terrible amount of blood and I’m afraid your baby had slipped out in the ambulance...”

“Oh.. Doctor will you tell me... Was it a boy or a girl?” I could feel my ribs shaking with sobs but they stayed inside of me.

“A girl.. Buzz if you need anything, the nurses will attend to you,” he responded grimmly. I nodded and watched him leave.

Hours later, which to me felt like mere minutes my phone binged signaling that I had received a text message.

Where are you sweetheart?

S.C

With fumbling fingers I replied.

Hospital, better come - quickly

J.C

Again, a matter of minutes passed and I heard footsteps rushing towards me. I felt a wave of emotions rise up in my throat.

“Josie, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” Sebastian asked in his deep baritone voice from behind me. Gaining all the control I could muster, I turned and faced my husband. I stared at his curly brown - black hair, and his blue eyes that looked like that the world was set inside them. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly shut it. It would take everything I had to tell him that I lost our child. He more than anything wanted a family, I felt like a failure...

“I... lost the... I lost the baby...” My voice barely made it over a whisper but he had heard me, his eyes took on a pink color as my tears started to slowly flow.

“What?” he asked, his voice breaking.

“I lost the baby, she’s gone, my baby’s gone!” My hands flew to my face and the river of tears traced my cheeks and the sobs that were contained early were now vocalized and heard. Arms encircled my body and I only cried harder. In the midst of the crying, I paused for a moment and felt something else shaking besides me - someone else shaking besides. I pulled away from Sebastian and held his swollen face between my hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Sebastian,” I cried. He took his hands and wiped away my tears as I did for him.

“How long have you been here, Josie?” he asked, with a whisper.

“Since about three in the afternoon...” I confessed. Sebastian’s  blue, which were incredibly highlighted due to crying, grew kind of cold and hard. I knew I had upset him by not calling him earlier.

“When you were planning on telling me that our son was dead?” he demanded harshly but softly so that no one else but me could hear the anger in his voice.

“When you were finished filming the interview but I got distracted and I didn’t even think about the time until you texted me. For your information he was actually a she,” I snapped still saddened.  I turned my face and body away from his swollen blue eyes. For a while he said nothing and neither did I.

“Do you really think... that a bloody interview.. is more important than.... the life of my child and you?” he asked with a tortured expression and voice. I turned to him and saw his face trailed with tears.

“No.. but I didn’t want to call you yet... because I didn’t know how to tell you... I’m sorry, I have failed you,” I cried. Gingerly he moved me aside and climbed into the hospital bed with me as I cried more. He moved my head to the nook of his neck. As I cried myself to sleep, tiny drops of tears plopped onto my head.

Fin...